For years my husband accused me of trapping him into a relationship when he had been down and depressed after losing his children when his ex-wife took them to another country after their divorce. Even after we had been married for five years he told me that the reason he had started an affair was because he had never forgiven me for trapping him.
I had lived with these accusations for so long that I had forgotten many important facts during the beginning of our friendship. Then almost twenty years later I found an old letter that I had written to him in 1988. There is no date on the letter but because of certain things that were written in the letter I can determine that I wrote it after his ex-wife had filed for divorce and before the divorce was final. So that would be about March 1988.
The most startling discovery to me was that I had forgotten that it was Craig who had been the one to plant the desire in me for us to have all of our children together and for us to have at least two children of our own. The letter started helping me put the proper perspective of our past. Before I met Craig I had absolutely no desire to have more children. I was a single mother with five children, and my youngest was not yet one year old.
This letter was written before Craig's world got turned upside down. He had just told me that he felt that we should both take steps back until his divorce was final. We had spent a wonderful afternoon together with all eight of our kids at the park. Jennifer and Christina got along really well, and so did Lew and Jeff. We had ended the evening by taking all the kids to Chuck E Cheese Pizza for Jason's 2nd birthday celebration. When Jennifer went home that night she told her mom that I was a nice person and she liked me. That angered Anita and she called Craig saying that she never wanted her children to be around me again. So Craig decided it would be best if we both just wait until the divorce was final.
The letter reads:
As I laid in bed my mind remembered so many wonderful memories of you during the last few months. I was thanking God for my beautiful children and then I thanked him for you, and our friendship. You being my friend has been the most special friendship that I've ever had. So I decided to write how I feel on paper - because it is easier to write than to say how I feel.
We've reached a point in our relationship of stepping back, and taking a different approach to our friendship. It has not been easy for me. I saw visions of a beautiful tomorrow with all the things I desired most in life. So instead of patiently waiting for the tomorrow - I strive to make it happen today, and pushed much too hard. For that I apologize.
Yesterday has beautiful memories of a Love I've never felt before. I've never known a more loving man than you. If ever a man knew the true meaning of love and how to make those near him feel it - It is you. And I'll never forget those many memories of you loving me and how marvelous you made me feel... From the first day you brought me one red rose. You held it out and said "Do you know what one rose means?" "What" I asked. "I Love You", and you pulled me into your arms and hugged me tightly. Then I sat upon the table and watched you talk about our day before in Oklahoma. your high flew me right up with you.
And the night we held each other tightly and prayed - first me, than you. I felt so very close to you - closer than I have ever felt to anyone.
